The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
