It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Randomize
