didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
i now understand why vodka
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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