how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
