just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
