even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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