is your mom at the bar?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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