I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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