I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
