I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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