I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
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