Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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