Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
