Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
no you cant smoke seaweed
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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