Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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