best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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