Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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