You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
