hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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