you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
