Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
