The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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