I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
