I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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