Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
