We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
