this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
