who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Sober January is a disaster.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
