just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
