his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
