How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
