The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
