Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
