I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Be still, my beating vagina.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
