Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
