where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Randomize
