he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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