That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
