I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
