Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
