I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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