If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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