You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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