Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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