There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
