Just fell off a train. Bad.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I am mentally ready for anal.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
