he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
