For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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