He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
