ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
