saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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