Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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